The Devil went down to Claremont, he was looking for a prof to nail.
And all throughout the 5-C teachers quivered and turned pale,
But at Mudd, he saw a chem prof giving a lecture and doin' it hot,
So the Devil jumped up on a nearby wart, and said, "Boy, let me tell you what."

"I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a chem professor too.
Maybe you think you know your stuff, but give the Devil his due.
Well if you care to take a dare, I'll let you try your luck.
I'll bet a mole of gold against your class 'cause I think your lectures suck."

The prof said, "I'm Van Ryswyk, and it might be a mistake,
But I'll take your bet. You're gonna have trouble keeping THESE frosh awake!"

VR, get your lecture notes and do your demos fast.
The devil's teaching frosh chem and nobody's gonna pass.
And if you win you get a mole of elemental gold,
But if you lose the devil gets your class!

The devil stood at the podium, said, "I'll start this lecture, bud."
And fire burned in his eyes as he glared at the frosh of Harvey Mudd.
The doors of Galileo hall closed with a resounding slam.
And the students quaked in fear of what they'd face on the exam.

(insert satanic chem lecture)

So the Devil finished, VR said, "That's a decent lecture, son.
Now take a seat, you amateur, and I'll show you how it's done!"

Thermite in the flowerpot, run, boys, run
HCl forms when exposed to the sun
Rawhawk in the lecture hall, pickin' out puns
VR throwing chalk with an arm like a gun

The devil bowed his head, because VR was the better speaker.
He placed that shiny mole of gold in Hal Van Ryswyk's beaker.
"Now devil, come to recitation if ou ever need more correction,
'cause I've told you once, you son of a bitch, don't sit in the NC section!"

He said,
Thermite in the flowerpot, run, boys, run
HCl forms when exposed to the sun
Rawhawk in the lecture hall, pickin' out puns
VR throwing chalk with an arm like a gun